Friday, September 8, 2017

Low Spoon Balance and Gluten Free Foods...

Life with multiple chronic illnesses means learning how to save spoons wherever I can. One way that we've done that in our house is to eat a lot of convenience foods, order in, or go out to eat, because by 3pm my husband I are spent. In addition to having limited spoons by dinner time, my host of illnesses and surgeries requires very specific eating habits and I'm constantly fighting a battle to eat things that won't make me sick.

Let me explain, my bariatric surgery requires me to eat 70-90 grams of protein a day, 50-100 grams of fat, and less than 50 grams of carbs a day. Veggies, sugar, and carbs are on the list of gas causing items that I should avoid. And let me just say that the gas pains aren't your normal gas pains... these pains are like someone is taking a knife and stabbing my abdomen, so avoiding veggies seems like common sense. I already ate like that before my bariatric surgery, so it wasn't a big deal when I was told that my diet needed to basically consist of meat and cheese. But then my pancreas crapped out, and the diet for chronic pancreatitis is mostly carbs, fruits, veggies, and lean protein. I have mostly managed to find a happy medium between the two ways of eating, by drinking my protein, and eating chicken fajita tacos and all of the carbs. It has literally taken me a year to find enough foods that I can eat that don't piss my pancreas off, and also don't make me miserable.

Because I am currently osteopenic and not absorbing vitamin d and calcium, my doctors (4 of the 6) decided I needed to be gluten free. My bio mom has celiacs, and I'm basically having ALL of the symptoms, so I get it. I really do. But... I'm not sure how to be gluten free when veggies and fruits cause massive amounts of gas, my pancreas cannot handle a lot of meat, and I am the world's pickiest eater. I don't like sauces, specifically things like ranch, sour cream, Alfredo sauce, etc. I can't eat tomato sauce, because it's one of the things my pancreas doesn't like. Anything that has the hint of a sharp flavor, or bitterness (I'm looking at you veggies), are also avoided. Cilantro tastes like soap, so I assume my tastebuds are just stupid. I do eat more flavors than I ever have before, but I definitely have some texture and taste issues, and some serious food anxiety. I mean, wouldn't you have food anxiety if everything you ate had the potential to cause you to vomit or have severe pain? And I do mean everything.

And yes, to a certain extent I know I need to just suck it up and eat, but the amount of emotional energy that comes from trying new foods rapidly depletes my spoon balance. Thinking about what to eat, worrying about how it will affect my pancreas, or my stomach, also takes a lot of spoons. Preparing foods that potentially will go uneaten by everyone except the husband, takes spoons. Grocery shopping and reading ALL of the labels takes spoons. Spoons I simply don't have.

My instinct is to just replace all of my convenience foods with the gluten free version, but truthfully, that is more than my grad student budget can take, and I've heard that the foods will make me gain weight anyway, so I probably need to avoid them. My friends are being kind and giving me suggestions of foods they like, but most of them do not fit into either my bariatric diet or my pancreatic diet.

And because I'm already stressed to the max with grad school, my health, and my children, I find myself just choosing not to eat, rather than fight the battle of trying to find foods I can eat, and will enjoy.

And that's not healthy either.

Sigh. I'm honestly not sure how to have chronic illnesses, a low spoon balance, and so many different dietary challenges. I'm 100% certain that I'm not going to be able to maintain gluten free without pissing my pancreas off, killing our grocery budget, and a lot of wasted foods because I didn't like something we tried that fit into my diet.

I am open to suggestions. Someone in my friend network has had to have been able to overcome texture issues to eat veggies, or has some magic cure for the gas pains that come with eating fruits and veggies, right?

I guess at this point I should just be happy that I wasn't told to give up dairy as well...